Lost
by TraitorTatara
Summary: The only thing worth living for was you...


_Edward Elric_

_615 Acherontia Street_

_The Brink of Despair_

_Dear Alphonse,_

_How have you been? _

_I'm fine. _

_At least, that's what I'd like to say… _

_But then I'd be a liar. _

_I'm not fine. _

_I don't think I'll ever be. _

_It's been so long since I've seen you._

_Time just passes so quickly…_

_It started out as a day._

_And then another._

_Suddenly it was a week._

_Then a month._

_Before I knew it, it had been a year._

_Then two._

_Then ten._

_You're still not here._

_And you probably won't ever be, even if you are alive._

_But I don't care._

_I'm still waiting for you._

_I always have been._

_I always will be._

_But…_

_But every day it gets harder to wake up._

_I keep hoping that you'll be there when I open my eyes, either as a suit of armour in the corner, or a boy with his arms wrapped around my waist._

_But that just makes it worse when I open my eyes and you're not there._

_I miss you…_

_I miss you so much…_

_I don't even know if you're alive or not._

_I don't know anything._

_I'm still in the dark…_

_And the daemons are waiting._

_There is no light in this world._

_There is no God._

_Or, if there is…_

_God is dead._

_And so am I._

_So are we all._

_Sometimes I wish I didn't know that._

_Sometimes I wish I had faith; that I could pray and at least pretend that someone was alive to answer._

_But now I can't, I lost the last little spark of my faith when you died._

_I lost everything when you died._

_Even myself._

_Or at least the person I was masquerading as._

_That person would have never have done what I'm doing now._

_They never would have traced the lines in the palm of their hand with a blade._

_Never would have watched blood trickle down their wrist, lost in the red that stained the contrasting white._

_Never would have called your name as they. . ._

_Never mind, you'd hate me if you knew._

_Sometimes I hate myself too._

_I don't know who I am anymore, Al._

_I'm scared. . ._

_Who am I now. . .?_

_It's something I might have been able to ask if I had kept up the illusion of a God. _

_But there's nothing that can be done now._

_Nothing except wait._

_I'll keep waiting._

'_Till the day I die, if I have to._

_If you're alive, I'll find you…_

_No…_

_I can't._

_I can't in this world._

_You'll have to find me._

'_Cause I'm lost to everyone. _

_Even myself._

_And all I want is to see your face again._

_To hear your voice._

_To feel your skin._

_To…_

_I don't know._

_It just…_

_It scares me, how much I want you._

_It's wrong._

_Isn't it…?_

_I don't know…_

_I don't know anything except that I need you._

_I want you._

_I love you._

_I miss you…_

_Dammit, Al, I just miss you so much…_

_Edward_

_February twenty-second, nineteen twenty-three._

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She finished reading and handed the blood-stained letter to one of the fools she commanded before looking at the crumpled scrap of paper in her hand.

This one was different; it was what appeared to be an obituary that had been found in one of the suits of armour: the only one that had come back through the gateway they'd made.

She inwardly shuddered as she studied its face, particularly the dried, crusted blood adorning the spike in its forehead.

There was no sign of the man who had been inside it when it passed through.

Instead, there was a single scrap of paper stuck inside what would have been the neck of the armour, made almost unreadable by the symbol painted on it.

The strange mark blotted out everything except the name and part of a boy's smiling face.

As studied it, she wondered if it was connected to the letter.

How could it not be?

But at the same time, how could it be?

She muttered the name under her breath, her voice barely more than a whisper.

Then she glanced one more time into the lifeless gold eyes before turning on her heel and striding out.

She couldn't waste time wondering.

She had a world to destroy.

"I have _your_ world to destroy… Alphonse Elric…"

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**In memory of Nicole**

**1995 - 2004**

**"Wouldn't it be grand to do exactly what you planned...?"**

** My Chemical Romance**


End file.
